Ruben Kills the Winter Meetings

Word out of Indianapolis is that Phillies GM Ruben Amaro Jr. is killing them at the winter meetings. Quite literally. Billy Beane and Ned Colletti were pronounced dead at the scene, and Theo Epstein was rushed to the ER, where he is in serious but stable condition. Ed Wade was also pronounced dead at the scene, only to hop off the stretcher en route to the ambulance (much to the chagrin of Astros fans). Talking with reporters after the game, Wade explained that it was a defense mechanism he built up over the years. "You act like this is the first time some dude from Philly tried to kill me", he quipped as the reporters stared in disbelief.

According to eyewitness accounts, Amaro told the funniest joke in the history of the winter meetings, and quite possibly the world. The mainstream media does not want to report it, because it makes their funny pages look like television instruction manuals written by Congress, but the intrepid reporters of Cliff Lee Facts have gotten their hands on the joke, printed here in its' entirety:

We are willing to listen to offers for Cliff Lee

There was apparently only one individual in the room who was not amused. Former Blue Jays GM J.P. Ricciardi, who was reportedly busing tables at the event, promptly offered half of a bacon-wrapped scallop, three soiled napkins, and 10% of his tips.

Upon hearing Ricciardi's offer, Ed Wade really did die.

Of Course They Wouldn't

The reason I started this blog was because I was afraid that domain squatters had seized the CliffLeeFacts domain of the .com variety. Silly me. I should have known that the spammers, squatters, phishers and other unsavory characters of the internets would know better than to take Cliff Lee's name in vain. If anyone is keeping score, this makes it good guys 1, internet villains 8,543,234,967,279,516,003,975.

Anyway, the good folks who brought us Cole Hamels Facts have indeed secured the official Cliff Lee Facts site, and appear better able to dedicate time to it than our humble crew, and this is a great thing for Cliff Lee Facts.

We will still be blogging here from time to time, when a fact merits more discussion than a numbered item in a list, but there should only be one list of facts to rule them all. And blogger is probably not the place for it.

May the peace of Cliff be always with you.

Fact #something-something else

WS 3:1ish

Even Eddie Vedder is nowhere close to the man cliff lee, at singing.

But he's still pretty good, so all three contributors to this blog will be at seeing Pearl Jam performing in the last event ever to be held in the Wachovia Spectrum tomorrow night.

In related news from October 28th...

WS 1:10?

There is no Eddie Vedder, Cliff Lee also played at the spectrum tonight.

In addition to pitching a complete game in the WFS?? Damn that guy's good.

Cliff Lee Would Know How This Thing Works

But I never used it before so I don't.  And I need to test it before I head away from computer 'til Sunday.

So today's fact is that I am not 1/10th the man Cliff Lee is. 

And neither are you.  Or you.  Or you.  You - you might be 1/9th the man Clifton Phifer is.

But anyone who imagines they are his equal is dreaming.

Fact #8

WS 1:8

The yankees petitioned MLB because they were afraid to face Cliff Lee. As the DH

I still think the Phils should turn the tables on em by using him as the DH when he isn't pitching.

Great Summary of Cliff Lee Facts

Saw some of these bouncing around last night. Glad that there is someone else attempting to capture all the awesome.

13 Little Known Facts about Cliff Lee

The legend is growing.

Fact #7

WS 1:7

Answering Cliff Lee on every question of your SAT will guarantee you at least a 2000.

BEING Cliff Lee will guarantee you at least 10000.

Fact #5-6

WS 1:5

Cliff Lee's curve ball is only visible to the pure of heart.

It's true. Only those chosen by Cliff Lee himself can even see it.

WS 1:6

Anabolic Steroids take Cliff Lee.

Nuff said.

Fact #2-4

I'm a little biased here, but I liked this one.

WS 1:2

That ball came straight back to the mound because it missed his loving touch.

Others seemed to agree:

WS 1:3

Cliff Lee catches like a pimp

WS 1:4

When Damon hit that ball, Cliff Lee gave it the death stare. The ball did what it was told

This is when Clifton Phifer Lee started proving he was quite possibly the coolest human being to ever walk the earth. How often do you see a guy in the World Series so cavalier about making a catch? Not too often (and usually they end up looking stupid).

If you don't believe it, check the picture:

But he wasn't done.  Like the boss, he was out to prove it all night.  From his playful tag of Posada on the way to first to his brilliant behind the back play on a ground ball, he was the epitome of cool.  In typical Cliff Lee fashion, even when there's a few runners on and lesser men might panic, he may as well have been kickin it on his couch.  He didn't even seem to notice the rain to be honest.

This is all for me tonight, but the best and brightest of twitter's facts will be making it onto this page as fast as we can get them up.  Go Phillies!

Fact #1

This was, in this author's opinion, the first truly awesome Cliff Lee Fact.

Cliff Lee WS1:1

Cliff Lee doesn't walk batters. He spares them.

I think there are 9 Yankees that would like to challenge this fact right about now. But what do they know about Cliff Lee?

Many, many, many to come :)

Where It All Began

This was the post that started it all:

Genesis 1:1

Such simple words.

It just might be time for Cliff Lee Facts

Little did anyone know, they would change the world forever.

It didn't really take off at the time. Like the man himself, true greatness would only come on the largest of all all possible stages.

Welcome to Cliff Lee Facts

There was a good discussion of Cliff Lee Facts on the twitters today, started by the legendary IronyNOW. They need to be memorialized, a la Cole Hamels facts (or Chuck Norris, who by the way isn't fit to hold Cliff Lee's jock), but the domain name http://cliffleefacts.com is taken. Hopefully its' not by a squatter, but just in case I signed up for this.